Adventure Never Dies, But Addiction Will Kill You
Bourdain, Livingston and the Spirit of Montana
I never truly loved Livingston until I watched Anthony Bourdain’s 2009 episode of No Reservations. I grew up in Billings, attended school in Bozeman, and visited Chico Hot Springs with friends and family dozens of times throughout my life. However, Livingston was just a quaint and windy town before that episode of No Reservations aired, and I knew I had to explore it at a deeper level. Thanks to Anthony Bourdain, I now consider Livingston to be one of my favorite cities in the state…check that, my favorite city period. I’ve had some of the best food anywhere in the United States at 2nd Street Bistro. The Murray Hotel and its bar cannot possibly lead to anything less than a magical night. Cattleman and poets, railroad ghosts and celebrities.
Livingston embodies a little-talked-about spirit that runs through many of us Montanans: adventurous beings with tortured souls. Often a gorgeous city that acts as the start of any adventure, Livingston can quickly turn to be windy, cold and volatile. Livingston is the epitome of Montana and the people who seek adventure there. The city is the gateway to Yellowstone National Park and the beginning of a drive that when the sun is just right, is possibly the most magnificent journey on earth. There is a reason it is called “Paradise Valley.” Yet, those that have seen Legends of the Fall, been in love with Montana (or a Montanan), or driven through Livingston during a blizzard, know that with paradise, hell is not too far away.
I’m not one for celebrity or hero worship but Bourdain’s death touched a nerve. I knew he had demons. I knew he suffered from depression and battled addictions, but he had a dauntless spirit that made it seem as if he could thwart his demons like others could not. In some ways, Bourdain was the real life version of Tristan Ludlow who was the protagonist in Jim Harrison’s Paradise Valley based epic; Legends of the Fall. Interestingly enough, Jim Harrison was also heavily featured in both of Bourdain’s Montana themed episodes.
On the surface, Anthony Bourdain had it all: a job we Montanans could only dream of, a gorgeous girlfriend, and a daring and curious spirit. Is it possible that all of us have a Bourdain in our lives? Are we that person? Am I that person? Bourdain’s success, fame, and past aside, distinct similarities exist.
My friends, my family and I have straddled the lines between addiction and adventure, often times it is hard to know which is which, especially when it comes to bar fights and driving drunk. How many times have I gotten behind the wheel when I shouldn’t? How many times have I gotten in the car when I shouldn’t? How many times have my friends and I gone one step too far trying to prove that we are adventurous enough to defend our ground? In Montana, many of us have lost count. We like to think we are in control, but often times we only escape alive and unjailed with a bit of luck, privilege, and only God knows what else.
One of these nights, nearly fifteen years ago in a town just outside of Livingston, my friends and I were getting into my truck after a night at the bars. I was the least drunk, or so I imagined. As we are getting ready to leave, a beer bottle flies in from a separate group of rowdy Montanans. I decide, at the urging of my friends, that it’s a good idea to follow them to their house. A standoff ensues. Words are said. Would a fight have happened or were we just making a show? It’s hard to say, but just then a mountain of a man walking home with a friend happens by. Possibly the drunkest in our group says the wrong thing to the mountain and is immediately tossed into a car as if he were a cowboy being tossed by a bull. What happened next was a blur. None of us could possibly defend ourselves against the mountain, and in hindsight, he must have taken it easy on us. We were all just one drink away, hell, inches away, from that night ending much differently. Montanans tend to wear those stories as a badge of honor, when in fact, we were close to just being another statistic.
Adventure is a way of life in Montana, and our state is known for its mountains, streams, plains, and rugged beauty. However, more should be known about the issues that are beneath this beauty, like problems with gambling, alcohol, substance abuse, and a myriad of other addictions. As friends and lovers of those who struggle with addictions to the latter, when do we step in and say “enough is enough?” How can we possibly tell someone “that’s one too many beers”, or “don’t put that extra 20 into that damned machine” or quite possibly the hardest “you need to stay away from him/her, they will literally be the death of you.”
It is no secret that Montana is a beautiful state whose residents battle with depression and suicide. Montana has the second highest suicide rate in the nation. The Centers for Disease Control research shows that Montanans drink, drive, and end up dead at nearly three times the rate of the average state. Often times depression leads to these statistics, possibly a result of addiction to alcohol, gambling, or drugs. Sometimes, it’s isolationism mistaken for adventurism. Other times it is just our culture, and that needs to change.
We owe it to ourselves and those that we have lost to enjoy the beauty of Montana. Go on a hike with your friends. Organize an outdoor dinner and invite someone outside your comfort zone. Savor Montana without having alcohol involved every time. Do your best to listen, whether it be the quiet one who often would rather stay inside, or the friend who on the surface is confident and happy. There is healing in the beauty of Montana. Anthony Bourdain’s spirit is the spirit of Montana and many of us Montanans. We all must do our best to focus on the positivity of his spirit while finding a way to address our demons so that we may all live a life as long and adventurous as Tristan Ludlow. Rest in peace Anthony, this Montanan appreciates your life’s work.
About the Author
Montana Parlay Born in Billings. Attended MSU. Likes sports, enjoys gambling, loves Montana. Purveyor of wit and bullshit. Wannabe poet, occasional writer.
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